‘It’s A Hard Life’
Coming out of Covid, I felt a bit lost. For years I’d been the guy who travelled the Middle East for work. The guy with published books, a ‘proper’ business with staff, an office, and a diary full of engagements. But now, I was working from home, doing Zoom sessions, watching the world through a webcam’s green dot. Slowly but surely, I became… beige. Vanilla. Bland.
No matter how much I tried to reignite my professional spark, it wouldn’t catch. And that’s when a thought popped into my head: I used to play live music. I used to love that. Maybe it was time to find that part of me again.
It had been over 20 years since I’d last picked up my bass guitar in anger. Firstly, because I’d just had enough. I was playing too many nights each week, largely to apathetic crowds who just wanted to play bingo, and I was sick of lugging gear around at gone midnight.
Secondly, life had moved on: a move to my wife’s hometown, starting a family, launching a business. Music quietly slipped away. But now, in my fifties, it cam roar g back.
‘Under Pressure’
Reigniting a passion sounds romantic. In reality, it proved messy.
I started the journey back with great optimism, but it soon became a saga of grim auditions, endless rehearsals, and bands that never quite made it off the launchpad. It was frustrating, but each false start brought its own lessons, and its own cast of characters: a succession of great blokes, a couple of insufferable dickheads, and two extraordinary women, one of whom became a good friend and the reason I originally found myself writing this article.
One new Wedding & Function band showed promise. We rehearsed, planned, got pretty much oven-ready. But it wasn’t to be. Creative differences, mismatched work ethics, and personality clashes took their toll, and we folded before we could really get going.
That was disheartening of course - it still feels like the one that got away - but looking back, it was all part of the process. It wasn’t a dead end; it was a step forward.
‘A Kind of Magic’
Then I got asked to audition for Qween UK, a Queen tribute band. It felt a bit ambitious, maybe even unrealistic for me. But I decided to go for it.
And it felt different from the off. These were seasoned, pro-level musicians. They weren’t looking for someone who could just get through the setlist; they wanted chemistry, commitment, and that elusive ‘click’. Happily, I found myself fitting in.
Fast forward a few months, and I’m standing on stage, bass guitar round my neck, channelling John Deacon in front of a packed theatre. I have friends here. Family too. Including my daughter - watching her Dad perform live for the first time ever.
It’s hard to describe that feeling. It wasn’t just about music. It was about reclaiming a part of me that had been on mute for far too long.
‘Don’t Stop Me Now’
Music had once been my creative outlet, my social circle, my source of ridiculous stories and adventures. Giving it up had felt like the right move at the time, but in hindsight, it left a gap nothing else managed to fill. Rediscovering it reminded me of who I am beyond the professional labels. It wasn’t about chasing an old dream, it was about reconnecting with playing music, learning, creativity, and being with like-minded people.
Returning to it was not the stuff of overblown epiphanies. It was a matter of taking it one step at a time. From nervously stepping into a dusty rehearsal room to standing on a theatre stage, every small win built towards something bigger.
Meaning, I realised, isn’t found. It’s built. Incrementally. Persistently.
‘The Show Must Go On’
I’m still working from home, still doing Zoom calls. But now, I also play live music. I have stories to tell, songs to learn, shows to look forward to.
I’m no longer beige.
So if you’re feeling stuck, maybe don’t wait for a grand revelation. Ask yourself: what’s the one small thing I could try that might lead me (back) to something I love?
Follow your dreams, take that bold first step, find meaning through trying something new - don’t let another one bite the dust.
Reprise
I wrote this last year before I knew quite where the Qween UK adventure was going to lead.
I’m still there.
What began as an audition and the slightly improbable prospect of returning to live performance in my fifties has become a regular part of my life. There have been bigger audiences, better shows, plenty more songs to learn and, inevitably, the occasional moment when I’ve wondered what on earth I’m doing.
But the central point of this article feels even more true to me now than it did when I wrote it.
I didn’t rediscover something I’d lost by making some grand plan to change my life. I picked up a bass guitar again and saw what happened next.
Quite a lot, as it turns out.
Please visit Qween UK’s Facebook page for dates of our upcoming shows. I’d love to see you there.
We Will Rock You or your money back. 🤘🎸
I originally wrote this piece at the invitation of my friend Nelli Vaszilko for her website, where an edited version was first published. The site is no longer live, so I’ve returned here to my original version and given it a light update.